Saturday, October 31, 2015

Halloween! 2015 Melanie Martinez inspired Doll

Hi PLEBoys and PLEGirls! This year I dressed up as Melanie Martinez.

Yep, I know I could've done better. But at least I did the teeth-gap thing, right? :D

Check out Mel's music here:

My blog's e-mail:

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Replenishing this blog after 6 long months! (Comic Book Writing, Halloween, Lists, and more!)

Hey, boiys and gerls, I'm back! After uploading two absolutely incredible posts, I went exploring the world in 1800 days! (Not planet Earth, but the world inside my head...)

I haven't been doing much lately, except that I...

          1. ...attended a 6-week course in edX, which is "The Rise of Superheroes and Their Impact On Pop Culture (featuring Stan Lee!)", which pushed me to...

          2. ...continue writing my ambitious comic book, which I also made a whole new blog about;

          3. doing Halloween;
(Insert picture here. LOL.)

          4. ...and am reading "Walt Disney: Hollywood's Dark Prince" by Marc Eliot, which is a pretty odd task for me, since I hate reading books.

I totally missed writing to this blog, and I am super duper excited to post more lists (I want to write about my favorite music videos and my favorite "human dolls"!!) and other things that I find interesting (mostly related to rock music, comic books and makeup). :)

This is like starting to write a whole new blog again... Well, that was cheesy.

I hope you stay tuned, because I will. ^_^

Leave a Comment in the box below, or send a message to my e-mail . Till next time! ;) -H

Thursday, April 30, 2015

PLEBoy's Top 10 Female Rock Vocalists of Now (Unranked)

      With the confusion of the term "feminism" on the rise, more and more women join in on the rock scene. These ladies are more than just creatures that lack dangling private parts who like stuffed animals and pink flowers: they are the modern-day The Runaways, singing, screaming role-model rebels who live and breathe rock 'n' roll.

    10. Heavy Metal Beyonce: Maria Brink of In This Moment
from The Big U-Knot: Randy Johnson's Knotfest Photos

         The unstoppable ITM frontwoman Maria Brink starts this list with a unique twist on female empowerment. The band's 2014 album Black Widow was their first record to release in a major label. It contains some totally sick tunes, including the popular haters-gonna-hate anthem "Sex Metal Barbie" and a hardcore love song "Sick Like Me". Starting from a simple metal band to having huge productions - full-blown props and Gaga-level choreography with the Blood Girls - and headliners, In This Moment is infecting the world with their addictive venom.

    9. The Coolest Kid in Town: Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless

You may have seen her in The Grinch or Spy Kids without knowing it, because Taylor Momsen had turned into a daring panda-scara-wearing rockstar, which is not a bad thing. Right now, she is every metal star's favorite daughter because of her attitude of rebelliousness (if that made sense). She's not just following a stereotype of "child star turned sexy actress"; Taylor breaks the mold by recently sharing the stage with legendary artists such as Joan Jett and Marilyn Manson.

    8 and 7. ...But the Fans Stayed for the Music: Carla Harvey and Heidi Shepherd of Butcher Babies 
Two feisty ladies in a band that is probably most hated by conservatives and jealous girlfriends...clearly they don't give a flipping bird about what other people think. Tuning down their signature jailbait look (even too shocking to put in this blog) that marked their reputation, Heidi Shepherd and Carla Harvey, two Plasmatic fanatics, stay untamable. Watch out for their follow-up to debut LP Goliath, as of now they are in the writing process titled Take It Like A Man this August, alongside their upcoming musical film The Devil's Carnival 2: Alleliua!, with Emilie Autumn, Danny Worsnop of Asking Alexandria, David Hasselhoff and more. 

    6. Mother of Punk!: Joan Jett

Forty years in her career, Joan Jett doesn't stop from being relevant in today's rock world. She inspired the riot grrrl genre with Cherie Curie and Lita Ford in their band The Runaways about three decades ago, and continues to give confidence to women and little girls alike from around the world. Her band's 2013 album Unvarnished, like most of her past works, still relates to different walks of life with references to being "Different" and even to social media ("TMI") and reality tv ("Reality Mentality"). Joan Jett recently received Alternative Press 2014 Icon Award and,  in the same year, a Golden God Award, proving that she is a living rock legend.

    5. Blue-Haired Banshee: Alissa White-Gluz of Arch Enemy

photo from
Upon the departure of Angela Gossow as vocalist of Swedish metal band Arch Enemy, all eyes are on the Canadian ex-vocalist of The Agonist: Alissa White-Gluz as fans are biding their expectations on her screaming prowess. So how did she match Arch Enemy? One word: perfectly. Just last year, the death metal band released War Eternal as Alissa's breakthrough.

    4. Not Your Average Asian Girl: re:NO of Aldious

A seemingly unfamiliar face slowly shines from the East side of the metal world. Like Alissa, street fashion model re:NO carries the torch from a former vocalist of their band. Don't let this Japanese all-girl band's eyelashes and dresses fool you: their music contains great heaviness and melodic guitar riffs and very deep bass notes. Even if you can't hear re:NO scream her lungs out, she doesn't lack the haunting aura of her voice. Don't worry if you can't understand the lyrics, you will surely head-bang to their songs!

    3. Born This Way: Laura Jane Grace of Against Me!

Kerrang's Woman of the Year 2014 Laura Jane Grace has her band Against Me! launch their sixth album Transgender Dysphoria Blues as a diary of her metamorphosis. Their punk sound is as fearless and raged as Grace, with tracks like her anthem for coming-out "FUCKMYLIFE666", and "Black Me Out", which shatters all past pretense and compromise.

    2. Returning Riot Grrl: Corin Tucker of Sleater-Kinney

A full decade after releasing The Woods, all-girl punk band Sleater-Kinney reunited to create No Cities To Love, an album to crave for. The launch came out with a bang with the help of their friends--Andy Samberg (Lonely Island), Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance), Ellen Page, Brie Larson, friends from Saturday Night Live and many more--all singing along to the title track. The 2015 LP recieved a tsunami of excellent reviews from Spin, Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, Metacritic and The Guardian to name a few. 

    1. Breakthrough Baby: Lynn Gunn of PVRIS

Twenty-one year old vocalist of Massachusetts-based synth rock trio PVRIS, and visual artist Lyndsey Gunnulfsen, popularly known as Lynn Gunn, finishes this list as the first and only female leader of a band at pop-rock label Rise Records, who houses Sleeping With Sirens, Devil Wears Prada, Miss May I and Of Mice & Men. PVRIS is nominated for Breakthrough Band, Song of the Year ("My House"), Best Music Video ("St. Patrick") and of course, Best Vocalist at this coming Alternative Press Music Awards (APMAs), so make sure your vote counts! PVRIS recently won Best Breakthrough Band in the APMAs! Your vote proves their awesomeness. If you haven't heard one song, better check them out! 

Is your favorite artist in this list? Leave a comment below, or e-mail me at to tell me your thoughts, suggestions and violent reactions on this list!! :) -H

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

FAN FIC TIME! "Trapped Inside a Burning Photograph" (Motionless In White fan fiction) by prettylittleemoboy

Rosary Glossary:

choker - a thick accessory fairly tightly wrapped around the neck; commonly made of silk, leather or lace

triple A (or AAA) - all access pass

LBD - acronym for "little black dress"

RTW - acronym for "ready to wear"

CGI - computer graphics interface; also known as "special effects"

trap - slang term for a "passionate" male cross-dresser

Chapter 1: I Wanna Be Where the Boys Are!

Camera? Check. Cellphone? Check. Baggage? Mm-hmm. Makeup? Check. Choker and lucky necklace? Check. LBD? Check. Let's get to business! Oh, phone's ringing. It's Chris. Don't freak out. "Hey."

"You getting ready? The bus is almost getting to White Rose. There's no fucking Starbucks anywhere around here." That is one angry, non-caffeinated Chris.

Locking the door twice. Getting out of the building. "Yeah, I'm heading to the streets right now. Let's meet halfway."

"Sure. Take care." Call ends.

It's been a while since I've worn heels. Like a week, I guess. It's pretty chilly outside so I have to wear my stylish cape; I feel like a fucking celebrity. See the tour bus stopping by the local cafe. I try my best to walk as fast as I can without breaking a heel. You can't believe how bad that went the last time...

It's Josh meeting me halfway. "Josh! My man!" I joke him. He gives a brief hug.

"This stupid establishment has no parking space, so let's get inside, shall we."

I look at my phone. It's 4 goddam 50 in the morning and no parking space. I'm not even sure there's a parking lot around this ghetto. I get inside the bus and I see "Jesus Christ Motionless! How's life?"

"Doin' pretty great," he welcomes me with a smile and a hug. He doesn't have to stoop down, because he's taller than me for just a few inches. And I've got heels.

"Nice place you got in here!" It's true, "Last time I saw you guys, you were crammed up in that little van with like, one outlet for charging? That's crazy! I mean wow. Now you've got a lounge and a TV and. What's this?" I point at something on the wall.

"Dracula's Pub," he switches the fancy light on, "a fan gave that."

"Cool!" I need to have one of those at home. I don't "need" it per se, I just want--

"Hey, I want you to meet Kuza," Chris turns to talk to the guy, "this is Alexa."

Kuza greets, "Hey, what's up."

"So glad to finally meet you." I smile and shake his hand. A pretty coy one (I like saying "coy" instead of "shy" because I feel poetic). He looks like your average punk kid who's considering to be a goth. Actually, he looks like Cerulli's clone.

Chris continues, "He's going to tour with us."

The more the merrier, right? "Awesome. That's great!"

"Hey why don't you sit down? Those heels, bro. You can take them off."

"Oh those." He trains me down to one of the seats of the table. As I switch into my doll shoes, I see a kid snoozing in front of me. I gesture to Chris.

Chris whispers: "That's our new guy. Plays the bass."

I nod and try my best not to wake this kid up, "Rick does guitar now, right?"

"Yeah... I'll introduce you as soon as this motherfucker wakes up."

Cinderella's got her shoes on, and I walk off to check my bunk and my baggage. You know, forget about "the more the merrier" gimmick; not everybody gets a bunk in a bus. It was pretty tough getting on this tour. I'm lucky to know Rick and Josh and Chris well. I get my camera out. It's a new one; slightly larger than the last one when I first met MIW on my brother's headlining tour. "Chris, I'm going to take photos now, is that ok?"


The sniffing bus finally found the Starbucks scent and parked by the gasoline station. We get off the bus and meet "Ricky, my twin! How's you?" I hug him, and playfully peck him on the cheek. I rub off the small lipstick stain.

"I'm doing awesome! You?"

"Doing," I try to think of a word to top off 'awesome', "I'm doing amazing. Thank you for inviting me! Hey I have an idea; let's shoot some photos right now."

"Yeah, sure!"

I capture about a dozen of photos of the guys, of the bus, and the way going to Starbucks. I noticed something.

"Hey, did you leave the new kid inside the bus?" I ask Chris.

He laughs, "yeah, fuck him!"

"That's mean!"

Ricky assures, "No, we'll get something for him. You've met him, right?"

"No, he was sleeping on top of his laptop on the table!"

"Wow... Well, that's Ghost... I bet he didn't get enough sleep again." Ricky sighs. "Well, that's..." I was waiting for him to say 'pathetic' but he scratches it, "You'll meet him later anyway."

Inside the X-Bucks, I greet Balz, "Good ol' Balz," I hug him. I like giving free hugs, as long as I knew the person. And yeah, there's Angelo, "Hey, Ang." We high-five and clasp hands, which was like a bro thing to do. But it wasn't awkward, I got used to it some years ago anyway. I do the same thing to Ryan. It's like meeting them for the first time again.

Half past five o'clock. Ordering coffee. Drinking it (some may say "experiencing it", but that's just too weird for me). A little breakfast, which is more of a snack, really. More pictures. Getting the bus gassed up. Trip to the restroom. Not getting in a fight with some random dudes.

We get into the bus again. The guy is starting to wake up; he yawns and decides to get back to his nap. We gather around him, just watching him be a lazy shit-head. I have an idea.

I pump my diaphragm to switch into my "dude voice", which is, as you can guess, a really low one. Like, lower key of G or whatever. Ok, imagine Marilyn Manson. Or even Chris has that voice. I draw my face near this dude's head and growl "wakey wakey, eggs and bakey," which is a creepy thing to say. It was like a scene in a horror movie when you close your eyes. 

Dude wakes the fuck up and looks at us with squinting eyes. I switch back to my normal, girl voice. "What's his name?" I ask Rick.

He's still watching the kid, "Devin. But we call him Ghost."

Chris practically shouts at Ghost, "Dude, this is Alexa. He's going to take photos for us and shit." My choker gets a bit itchy. Ok, 'HE'? Nice one, Chris. If I wasn't your friend, I would've called you an asshole and punched you in the face.

Ghost reaches out his hand and I grabbed to shake it. I realised he wasn't really squinting, he just had pretty droopy, hooded eyes. And they are pretty as fuck. The more I stared into his eyes, the more I think that they're the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. What the fuck. I was totally speechless. He's staring straight into my soul, man. 

"Ghost," he says, "umm, nice to meet you."

He smiles. Then I realised that I haven't let go of his hand. It was magic--al. Sends shivers down my spine, really. Ugh, this feels so weird... 

I try to snap out of it; instead I just nodded and said, "yep". 

Rick gives him a cup, "Here's your coffee, dude."

I waited for them to walk off except for Chris. "Hey, bro, you've known me as an honest person, right?" I ask him.

"Yeah. What about it?" Devin is still sitting down with his coffee. Chris and I sit down with him.

"Chris," I say with a voice enough for the kid to hear, "That is the cutest thing I've ever seen."

He laughs. "What, the coffee?"

"No, dammit. Your new guy. Ghost."

"I know," Chris says. Then he turns, "Ghost, you're single right? I mean, you don't have a girlfriend?"

Ghost just smiles, nods a bit and blinks his pretty eyes at Chris, then smiles at me.

I pump my confidence up, "How old are you?" I ask him.

He replies, crossed arms, "Twenty."

"I'm twenty, too. I mean, I'm also twenty."

Chris butts in, "Well, that's great! I'm going to leave you guys now, and just have your moment."

I casually tell him, "What!"

He leaves with, "Bye, children... Of the damned..." He casually whistled off.

I look at Ghost smiling at me. Not a mocking smile, but rather a friendly one. I close my arms on the table and hide half of my face, just so I can see him. Then I thought of something. I sit up again, "If you weren't playing bass, or any music, what would be your chosen job?"

"Hmm," he thinks, "maybe I'll an animator at Disney."

He seemed to be pretty sure of his answer. "So you like drawing, huh."


"Why Disney, though? I mean, there's Dreamworks and Pixar and shit, but. Oh! I know. You like Tim Burton."

"Mmm yeah, a lot. But I was raised around Disney," He kind of stares at my choker and Misfits necklace, "Disney's best of the best."

It's pretty funny to think of. "Wow, you seem to like Disney a lot." I think he's obsessed. My brother has a thing for Batman. He collects comic books, action figures and whatnot. He even has at least three Batman-inspired tattoos right now, and I don't think it's gonna stop soon, "Do you have tattoos?" I asked jokingly.

"No... no good ones yet," he giggles.

"I think you should get like, a whole Disney-themed sleeve. That would be epic."

It seemed to have pleased him a bunch, "Yeah. That's a great idea." I can't believe this guy. He IS obsessed.

"So," I continued with the topic, since chatting about metal bands kind of bores me at the moment, "what's your favorite animated film?"

"Uhm. Snow White." And I kind of laughed in disbelief, which is sort of rude, I'm sorry. He continues, "I mean, that's the best one, right? What is YOUR favorite one?"

Whoa. Well, "Beauty and the Beast, I think," that was just on top of my head.

"Yeah?" he nods, "that's cool."

I add, "I like Lumiere: he's kind of chill and hyper at the same time." We laugh.

A random thought I have: "Do you like Slipknot?" I mean, everyone loves Slipknot, so that was a pretty stupid question.

He nods, "yeah." The only answer to a stupid question.

I see Rick pass by, holding his cup, and I call him over to sit beside me. "Is Ghost a good bass player?"

Rick answers, "Yeah, I mean, I taught him everything," he chuckles. "Except for ONE thing," he turns to Devin, "Hey Ghost, show him those pictures in your phone." Ok, one more 'HIM' or 'HE' or 'HIS', and I'm going to blow. This lace choker is pretty irritating, I've got to take it off later...

"No..." Devin pretends to hesitate. Talk about fake blushing.

Ricky notices his own remark, and whispers to me, "Hey did I say 'him'? God, I'm sorry. Honestly, sorry."

I sigh in relief, "Yeah, it's okay. It's fine," I smile sincerely.

Devin gets his phone. Ricky tells him, "Hey, when you're hanging out with my sister, just, don't mess with her, ok? She's pretty touchy."

"I'm not touchy!"

"See?" Ricky must think he's clever-ass.

Devin seemed a bit confused, "Oh, she's your sister?"

I just get on with it, "Don't you see the resemblance?" Back when I first met these guys, the people who attended the show thought Ricky was my brother. I mean, I wasn't popular or anything, but my twin brother is. They were headlining at that tour, and the little girls were freaking out when they saw Ricky. That was really funny, especially after the show when they realised that it wasn't him.

Devin compared us using his hooded wonders (yeah, I meant his eyes). Ricky added, "See? Pale skin, blue eyes? Black hair?" and looks at me, "Same music taste?"

"Hmm... I don't buy it. No. Sorry."

Rick and I laugh. I say, "Damn, I thought he was gonna fall for it. You're a pretty smart guy, Ghost."

"Now the pictures," Rick got excited all of a sudden. Devin hands him his phone. Rick displays this creepy-cute grin of his and shows me a picture of a guy dressed up in lingerie, with complete makeup, hairdo and jewelry. 

I freak out, "Oh my god! Is this you, Ghost?" He closes his eyes, nods and smiles. "You're a trap? Oh my god, that's fucking awesome!" Rick shows me more of Ghost's pictures. I got all dreamy all of a sudden. I rest my head on the table and just stare at Ghost, "Rick, I am going to marry this guy. I'm going to marry you someday, Ghost."

Ricky replies, "Yeah, I knew you were gonna love it... Ahm, should I tell him?"

Well, "Gotta ask him first, you know," I turn to Devin, "Are you a bi or someth--let's scratch that. What's your orientation, man?"

He looks down, still with closed arms and just says "Umm".

"I mean, do you like women?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"Do men?"

"Umm. Sometimes. But not Ricky," he acknowledges his presence.

"What do you think about gay people...and transgenders?"

He finally looks at me, "I think they're awesome. Umm, diversity is great. It's a great thing...I'm open to anyone, really. Those stuff doesn't matter to me anyway, so."

I'm really satisfied with his answer. I turn to Ricky, "Yeah, I think we can be married. I'm gonna call Marilyn Manson to marry us right now."

Ricky laughs, "Marilyn Manson..?"

"Yeah, he's a reverend for the Church of Satan, remember? Anyway, it was a joke." 

We all smile and laugh a bit. Ricky asks Devin, "What are you thinking right now, huh, Ghost?"

Ghost sighs, looks at Rick and says, "I think Alexa is a really interesting person." then he smiles, looking at me.

I tell him, "Well, YOU'RE an interesting guy. I mean, you draw and stuff...and even cross-dress; god, only few people that I know can pull that off. You're a great cross-dresser, I must say."


Ricky says, "Well, I guess there's no problem getting you two together in this tour."

I reply, "No problem at all."

Chapter 2: California Paradise

It was 2007, My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade was on top of the charts. Everyone was talking about it. Teenagers from around the world started to grow their dyed black hair to the side, hiding almost half of their face. They started to wear eyeliner, black shirts, skinny jeans, black nail polish and studded belts. And one sunny day in California there was a fifteen-year-old prince and his twin, playing old-school punk music.

It was Andrew, on the bass and lead vocals, and then there's Nathan Kenneth or "NK", on the drums and backup vox. They both dyed their hair and wore eyeliner, band shirts and black nail polish. Andrew clearly needed to chop off his straightened, highlighted hair; it was covering his eyes. NK's head was shaved at the sides; it was almost a crew cut, except that he had long bangs that ran across the right side of his face, and long straight hair running down his back. Andrew wore Mötley Crüe inspired face paint, a black cap, black fingerless gloves and a bandanna around his neck most of the time. NK would have his signature huge lipstick smudge across his right cheek and colorful eyelashes: one on the bottom of his right eye, and the other placed correctly on his left. They were alone rehearsing "Astro Zombies" by the Misfits, their favorite band, inside their father's garage. There were different people who would play guitar for them. One week it would be Daniel, the next week it would be a Tommy or a Jim, but on that day they only had themselves. Their no-makeup, no-gimmick selves.

After the song was over, NK called out to his twin, "I... I have to tell you something."

"Just a sec." He was disconnecting the bass guitar. He sat on a stool in front of NK, ready to listen to every word. "Yep?"

"It's... I... I'd get to the point."

Andrew was still listening.

"I... I'm gay, I... I like boys." NK said firmly.

Andrew smiled, "No matter what you'll be, or what you are, I'm always here for you," he gave his twin a bear hug, "we'll always be brothers. And that will never change."

NK tried not to cry, "Thank you for accepting me. Really. Thank you."

Andrew patted his back. "You know, you're pretty brave for bringing this up. Have you told mom?"


"Mmm-bout dad?"

"No... not yet. I find it pretty hard to find words, you know. I don't know what he'll say..."

Andrew assured, "Dad is the most understanding person I've known in my life. Remember what he told me when we were just starting to make a band? He said that you should do what makes you happy. People are going to give you shit about it, and that's pretty inevitable. But being yourself is the best thing you can do, and at the end of the day, you're going to be the one with the smile on your face. You know you should trust him. And you should trust me, too; do you want me to go with you?"

"Maybe I'll give it some time."

Andrew insisted, "Look, Dad is going on a trip tomorrow if you didn't know. Do you want me to go with you?"

NK gave a worried look, "Yes. Thanks."

The brothers cleaned up and kept their instruments, then went straight to the kitchen. They were just in time to meet their father, who was grabbing a drink from the fridge.

"Hey, Dad," Andrew greeted him, while encouraging his nervous brother to speak up.

"Hey, boys, want some drinks?"

Andrew watched NK standing still. He continued, "NK wants to tell you something, Dad." He looked at his brother once more and sighed, "Can we all, umm, sit in the living room?"

Their father said, "Sure. Let's talk. Don't be scared to open up."

They sat down with their drinks. Dad was eager to listen.

NK started, "I... I just to accept me as your child, no matter what...I am or..." He paused.

Their dad held NK's arm, "You can say it. This is your chance."

"Dad. I've been dating...a boy, and he's...he's really special to me, Dad," he broke into tears, "I'm gay. I like boys. And just..." Words trailed off into sobs.

Their father wrapped his arm on NK's shoulder, "I accept you, NK. If you're happy with him, it's totally fine. If you have to say something, just let it out."

Andrew sat beside NK on the sofa and put his hand on his twin's back to comfort him.

"I'm so sick of...expectations from a lot of people. I'm so sick of pretending to be okay when girls kiss me on the cheek. I'm sick of being compared to Andy, but it's not your fault, it's just...people don't see that I'm...different. Because I am! I've been sewing corsets and wearing them for many years now just to please myself, yet I can't share my talent of it. And I'm so sick of pretending to be someone I'm not and hiding myself." NK finally let it all out.

Dad replied, "I'm proud of you. You're very brave."

"Thank you. I love you Dad. And you, too, Andy..."

I'm really having fun with this tour. The bus smells like piss sometimes, and the bumpy road gets us tumbling everywhere, but it's worth the experience. Ghost and Balz are hanging out right now, and Ang and Chris were playing some video game. It's Ricky's turn to drive. I just chatted with Kuza about the band HIM and Eighteen Visions and Edward Scissorhands. The bus is now heading to California. Home sweet paradise, or at least I lived there for some time.

Every time I get out of the bus for work, I feel the flow. Total focus. I always make sure to capture the perfect moments on stage and backstage. I meet several musicians from other bands. Some of them were pretty rude; I mean, just seeing a nicely dressed lady and then all of a sudden they act like fucking police dogs. I do my best to not let it affect my work. I think I did a great job so far, though. My pics are pretty bitchin'! Especially the ones I got for MIW, they're the bomb.

It's the fifth day now, and I smell like...a rat, apparently. Don't worry, I smell like all the guys, too. We all smell like trash, so if anyone calls the band like it, then it's half-true. I'm just kidding, of course.

I check my inbox, and Mac Cosmetics did notify me that the deal is still on with the band, but they are not planning to increase the cash. I reply a confirmation, and I add that "next time, kindly please contact Josh, their manager, so that there won't be miscommunication in the future", and some other business shit. I never thought I'd get into seducing sponsors and all, I mean I didn't even finish high school because I played drums for a rock band. I thought at that time that I was going to be a fucking millionaire rockstar. But I'm lucky enough to be here, taking pictures, drinking non-alcoholic beer, hanging out with awesome people. And I get paid for it, biatch!

A finger touched my back. "Holy shit, Ghost. You scared my balls off."

"Sorry," he sits beside me, "Hey I thought we're going to hang out."

"What? Oh, yeah," I look at the time. It's a quarter past 1 in the morning. "What do you wanna do?"

He sighs and says, "I dunno. We could chat. You know, like, we haven't had a long conversation for a while." It's true; that hit me in the bull's eye. For the whole tour, I was mainly hanging out with sponsors and fans besides Josh and Chris. And for all of the time, I was busy with my camera.

"Yeah. Let's get some drinks. And we could sit on my bunk," Mine is on the lowest part of one of the beds. We can't hang out on Ghost's bunk though. His is on the third level, above Ricky. And Ricky's is on top of the super narrow bunk of Chris. He stated one time that his bunk was too small, it was like a coffin. Chris is so goth, it's funny! So if we hang out on the third level, it might break and fall down on Ricky, and Ricky's would fall on Chris. That's pretty risky. "We'll just open the curtains because some of the guys have dirty minds." I was serious for some reason when I said that.

We sit down and I start, "So what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, I don't know anything about you besides you're a photographer, and I dunno."

I raise my eyebrows and say, "Oh, so this is like a date now."

"Yeah, exactly. I mean all the guys seem to know a lot about you and I feel sort of left out."

"Where shall we start? Oh, I know, how about I tell you how I met the guys."

"Yeah, that's a good start."

This should have like a movie sound effect for flashbacks, complete with CGI. "Ok, it was last year. I was in this show, with the triple A ID, in Nebraska. It was the Black Veil Brides tour, and Motionless was touring with them. As usual, I'm taking pictures of bands, and someone from Black Veil Brides told me that Ricky looked like their lead singer, so I thought I had to see for myself if that was true."

Ghost tells me when I take a short break to drink from my can, "And that was when the magic started?"

"No, idiot. Sorry. Umm, so, okay. I took pictures of Motionless of course, because it's my job, and yeah, Rick totally looked like Andy, with his studded leather jacket and big hair and all, except that he was like six inches shorter than him. And it was funny, because all the little girls who attended the show freaked out when they saw Rick, because they thought it was, well, Andy.

"Anyway. They have a really great attitude, you know, getting as much exposure from the tour as they can. These young guys," and I whisper, "young except for Chris." And we laugh. "These guys are very hardworking, they know what they're doing, unlike a lot of bands. 

"So I watched them on stage, and it just fucking exploded. They were absolutely great," come to think of it, that was an understatement, "and I remembered when I was in a band myself at a very young age, me and my brother lived in this fucking small van just to get ourselves out there. And the guys at that time were like that, you know. And I know I have to do something about it.

"So the next day, I looked for Chris and I told him about my plan. I work for Mac Cosmetics, you see, and Black Veil Brides were on it, too. So I thought, why not give them an invitation to meet agents of the company, and maybe get a sponsorship. They didn't really wore a lot of makeup that time, so it sounded pretty ridiculous, but we worked it out with Josh. And it was successful."

Ghost was a bit surprised, "So... You, like, funded this thing?" He was referring to the bus.

I laugh a bit, "No, Ghost. I mean, not at all! The guys --and now, you, too-- work their ass off every night to get to where we are now."

"That's cool." It blew Devin's mind. He continues, "So, umm, what were you doing, or what was your job or project before you met them?"

Hmm. "Well, the BVB tour got me a career, alright, so before that I was just getting pictures of local punk bands, and learning a lot from them... Hmm. I don't know what else to tell you, sorry."

Ghost thinks for a while, "Hmm, how was high school for you? I mean, I've got nothing more to ask, really."

"Oh god. I didn't finish it!"

"Oh? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know."

I smile, "It's okay. My twin brother and I thought we were going to be huge rockstars. I mean we quit school just for the band. Our parents were super supportive for some reason. Well, I guess because Dad was in a band. So yeah, from that pretty long road, I became a photographer --and I can't complain, it's a great job, I like it-- while my brother got to live his dreams."

Ghost is a curious kid, "So what was your instrument?"

"Can you guess?"

"You sang?"

"Yeah, but only backup vocals. Andy does that thing. I'm more in the background, playing drums. We were a good old-fashion punk band. Actually we weren't that good; we fucking sucked!"

"And you were... How old were you that time?"

"I was like 9 or 10 when I started learning drums. And the band played gigs when we were 15, I guess."

"So, photography wasn't really your thing at that time."

"Yeah. Me and my bro were models for a while. You know, for some shitty RTW brand, just so we can get exposure and a little ka-ching. So I thought I'd ask the photographer, because he was really good at taking pictures, to teach me some tricks about photography. So I got hooked after that."

Devin leans his head on one side, with a hand supporting it, "That's nice."

And then there was an eerie moment of complete silence. This film Pulp Fiction said that you'd know someone is special to you when you've shared that moment. And it was a long, weird seven-second moment.

I just randomly said, "Hey, we could 'trap-trip' right now. I know I just made up that word, but you know, we could do it right now. I got a lot of girl clothes and makeup in here."

He smiles with doubt, "You mean, dress me like a chick, right?"

"Dress you like a naughty, horny bitch like the one in your photos. Hey, I should photograph you sometime."

"Yeah, that's a great idea," he nods.

"Because I think you're worth photograph-ing," I didn't wanna say "worth shooting" because that's an awful thing to hear, "I mean, you have a pretty face, not to mention an androgynous one. Hell, your body's even androgynous. In short, you're a pretty good looking chap."

He just smiles and shakes his head, but you can tell he's flattered and he knows how good he looks.

I say, "Let's start!"

"What," he looks a bit confused, "okay, fine." He gives that let's-just-get-on-with-it pose.

I give him a shirt that I own. It's a band shirt of The Cure. I cut it some weeks before just so it looks like it was tailored for a teenage girl. "Wear this," and then I hand out a blue-green C-cup school girl bra, "I won't look. I promise." I turn my back to him. He closes the curtains, and does his business. And, god, I swear I didn't look.

"Done," he tells me.  

I face him and get out my small makeup kit ("small" means the size of a box of chocolates), and sort out the stuff. "Let's see. Eyebrow pencil. Eyeliner pencil --or pencil eyeliner, which ever. Eye shadow, just black, right? Eyelashes and eyelash glue. Let's not put mascara, it kind of ruins my low-quality lashes, ha-ha. Umm, lip liner and, of course, lipstick. Oh let's throw in a lip gloss, too, since my lipstick's matte."

He seems to be getting excited by all these. I bet he remembers art school. "Start with eyebrows," he says and takes the pencil. 

I'm impressed, "I start with the eyeliner, but yeah, that's the right way to do it. Damn, you're better than me!" We laugh.

He finishes his eyebrows, which are a competition to Chris's magnificent ones, as they are super structured. Then he finishes lining the bottom of his eyes.

I look at my kit and tell him, "I have gel liner if you want to use it."

"Yeah, sure. We'll use that." 

After the eyes are finished with eyeliner, eye shadow and lashes, it's time for the lips. With the lip liner, he draws a perfect line curved around his lips like a pro, with the cupid's bow and all. Dude's got thin lips. "I envy you, man. I mean, you have pretty thin lips. Mine looks like some fucking cartoon when I follow the shape," I tell him.

He smudges the line into the shape, but the middle part he made darker. I ask him, "Where did you learn this? I know you have a pretty cool background in art, but you're real good at putting on makeup."


"Oh." We laugh.

He looks for something in my kit, "Do you have like a brush? A lip brush?"

"Oh, you don't smudge the bullet directly?" I ask. "That's so a chick thing to do, using a brush. No, I don't have one."


"Don't worry, I can put it on, I'm like a pro at this." Devin stares at me with doubt. "Trust me."

"Okay then."

I open the matte lipstick. Deep red. It's mostly used for elegant, formal events, but it's perfect. Or at least, that's what I think. 

"Devin, don't do the duck face," I scold him. He just smiles, and opens his mouth. I practically scraped his lips with the lipstick bullet. As I was doing it, Ghost makes funny faces without moving his lips. It's super distracting.

"Done!" I say, completely satisfied with my masterpiece. As I was putting the lid on the stick, Ghost leans forward to my face. Close enough to feel his breath on my nostrils.

I panic, push him away, and suddenly, involuntarily and accidentally switched to my dude voice, "NO! Not a fucking chance! Nope. No. Never will I kiss someone with lipstick on their face!"

Ghost laughs mischievously.

I start to say, "You're one fuckin--"

He cuts with, "I like you."

I sigh, disappointed. "Look, Ghost. I'm a bloke." I take off my choker and expose my Adam's apple. "See?"

"I still like you." He smiles, biting his lip. Red stains a bit on his teeth. 

I blush and try to hide my smile. I mean, he's a pretty cute guy, and you can't help but fall.

I put a bit of lip gloss on him, slap his shoulder and push him off the bunk and tell him, "Get out," jokingly.

He laughs a bit and says, "Goodnight, Alexa."

I whisper, "Goodnight." 

I'm really...happy.

After cleaning up the makeup instruments, I finally close the curtains of my bunk once more to get me some sleep. I lie alone, but not lonely. Sweet dreams to me...

Chapter 3: Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb!

"Fuck Twilight," NK shouted. "Fuckin' kids nowadays don't have access to good literature." He was practicing on getting his voice on a higher pitch.

"Or even good food," Andrew said, poking his salad. "Fuck vegetables."

NK laughed. "How 'bout a fish burger, bro? We've got some in the freezer."

"No, thanks!" He left his seat to grab a magazine. He looked at his twin. "Your hair is growing so fast."

"Yeah, I noticed," NK smiled and ran his fingers through his mane.

Andrew flipped the pages of the magazine. "Are you going to shop again later?"


"With Scout?"

"Yes. You said we can hang out, right?"

"Yeah, I know that," sighed Andrew. "By the way, I think your leggings look great. Did Scout pick that for you?"

"Thanks! Umm, no, but she did help me choose from a lot of clothes yesterday. She's a really great shopper... Your girlfriend is a great shopper," NK pointed to him, "she's the one, man."

Andrew laughed with him, "True story." In an unrelated note, he said, "You still in for the Bleeding Star shoot?"

"Of course. I'm even excited for it!" They smiled. 

After lunch, NK prepared to go out. He met Scout on the subway station. They got through the metal detectors and the faceless middle-class crowd. They went up the escalator and got inside Forever 21.

Scout said, "So...why d'you break up with Shawn?"

He sighed, "Scout, that was three months ago."

"Yeah, but I'm just curious. I mean, you two were hanging out all the time, being happy, then all of a sudden, BOOM. You're over. What's that about?"

"He was being a jerk. He became someone I didn't know before, you know," he paused from browsing clothes and looked at her. "And it was getting worse."

"What did he do?"

"Ugh. Shawn is just...being a hypocrite. Look, I know all of us are hypocrites in our own way, but he was just...fucking horrible. He himself goes to church almost every Sunday, but he laughs at almost everybody. He lives the seven deadly sins and breaks almost every one of the Ten Commandments. Not that I care about his religion, but he gave shit about Andy. That's," he snaps his fingers, "what burned out my wick. He's a terrible person."

"What did he say about Andy?"

"He said that Andy was doing pot and heroin, and that he was hitting on some other girl, who was a minor. That's fucking obviously not true! Like, not at all."

"That's terrible! God, I don't want to see that guy's face anymore," Scout shook her head.

"Me neither. I just wished I never met him," he scoffs.

Later on, they returned home.

Andrew hugged and kissed his girlfriend as they came in. He smiled proudly at NK and told him, "Mom has some great news for you."

"Well, what is it?"

"Why don't you ask her? She's in our bedroom right now," he pointed up the stairs.

NK dropped the shopping bags on the floor and scurried to meet his mother who was waiting on the lower level of the twins' double-deck. He hugged his mom and asked her, "Well? What is this good news?"

His mother told him, "I know you have been saving money for your operation, so I want to help you reach your goal."

"Wait, what? What are you talking about?"

"Aren't you planning for a sex change?"

NK got nervous as his secret was out. "Yes. Yes, Mom. did you know about this?"

His mother smiled and said, "It doesn't matter now. I am going to help you," she held his hand, "we'll find a great doctor, okay?"

A big smile flashed on NK's face. "Yeah," he almost cried of joy, "yes. It would be perfect. Thank you so much." He hugged his mom tightly.

A few months passed and everything were all implants, enhancements and hormone intakes for NK. Life was such a dream for him.

"You'll have a new name, right?" asked Andrew to his newly transformed sibling who was lying on the sofa and recovering from nausea.

"Yep!" she squealed in excitement.

"Have you thought of one?"

"Well, I was thinking...'Alexa'. What d'you think about that name?"

"Much, much better than Nathalie. Whoever gives that name Nathalie to you, I'll...gorge his eyes out and eat it. For sustenance."

"Eew! That's fucking disgusting, bro."

"I was just trying to cheer you up," he laughed.

She closed her eyes, "Well..."

"Did it work?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "Well, actually I thought of 'Alexa Seven' because, you know, that's my lucky number."

Andrew sat down and cut his nails, "And because you were born right after this handsome guy they call "Six" was, right?"

She smiled. "Yeah."

"I'm not gonna lie, that is an awesome name." He filed his thumb, "So, you're not going to change your last name, right?"

"I would never. I mean, I owe you guys a lot."

Andrew looked away from his business and turned to his sister, "You don't owe us anything. You're perfect just the way you are. And we're a family anyway; it's a great thing that we help each other."

She tried to get up from the couch, but had difficulty in doing so. "Thanks. That was sweet. You're DEFINITELY my favorite twin brother."

They laughed. He then said, "You shit. You never really changed." They smile in agreement...

The tour is almost ending. The guys call their girlfriends and families to tell them that they are coming home. I realised that I haven't called my brother for a while. He's been pretty busy with his own tour.

The final show will start in four hours. Rick, Balz and I are smoking in the parking lot, watching the other bands play a confusing game.

Balz says, "Ghost likes you a lot," then faces me.

I give a tired sigh and mumble, "So what."

Rick says, "He's fucking gay. No offence."

I'd chosen to keep silent. Rick stares at me. I roll my eyes away from him.

He continues, "Last night you guys weren't there in our party, in the lounge. I bet you guys were having a private one."

I suck the cigarette and flipped Rick off. "Fuck you, Dick Olson."

Ryan, Angelo and Chris walks towards us, fresh from some interview. "'Sup?" Ryan greets.

We raise our hands, equivalent to a wave plus saying "we're cool".

Chris squints his eyes at me, then turns to Balz. "Where's Ghost?" he asks.

"Prolly in his bunk, jerking off to this one," Balz points at me.

I give the finger to Balz, "Fuck you, cannibal." And I walk off.

"Where are you going?" Chris asks me.

"Going ta' take pictures!" I shout at him while skipping away.

I suck the last of my cigarette and throw it away. I thought I'd go to the entrance and maybe shoot some pictures of the kids coming to the show. I skip towards the ticket booth. The wind blows my skirt, so I had to hold it down for a while. Finally I got there and met some kids. There was a chubby girl who dyed her hair red, and she was with her friends who were also wearing band shirts and glasses. I start up my camera.

"How old are you guys?" I kindly ask them.

The one with bracelets almost covering half her arm replies, "She's fifteen. We're both sixteen." They giggle.

"What band or bands are you looking forward to seeing?"

"Ice Nine and Chunk," she says. The other two replied, "Motionless In White!" They can't stop giggling for some reason.

"I like those bands, too. Can I take a picture of you guys?"

"Umm, I guess!" the cold-red-haired girl said. Giggle to the max. Mega giggle.

I take some pictures of them, and the banner behind them totally helped. I thanked them and decided that I should get like a hundred fans in one shot. So here goes nothing. I pump my confidence up.

"You guys excited for the show?" I ask the guys near the booth. "how 'bout you guys?" I ask the people next to them. 

"How excited are you all?" I shout. They scream back. They loved it. "Gimme the metal, everyone," I ready the lens. Click! An awesome shot of twenty people doing the rock 'n' roll sign in one line. This. Is awesome. Never done this before. A milestone. "Thank you!" I kind of shout at them. smile and skip off.

I went towards the stage and thought that I would take some photos of the load in. I love shots that tell stories. This is an important part of the day of a band. And the people --the crew-- behind all of this should take credit, too.

After I took half a dozen pictures, I see Devin standing in the corner, waving at me. I hesitate and wave back. I walk toward him and say, "What's up."

"I took a picture of the look we did, on my phone," he shows me a chick --who is him, really-- in my shirt, with bra strap peeking out. Index finger on lip.

"Pretty," I tell him.

"Ugh," he squints on the air, "I gotta go to the restroom. Come with me?"

"Yeah, sure."

We walk inside the ladies' room. The girls' room are always a lot cleaner and fresher than the males' restroom, so that's always the band member's choice. I sit up on the space beside the sink, and browse my camera. Ghost takes a shit.

"You took a lot of pictures?" he asks me while he's in the cubicle.

"Ugh, yep." Pretty awkward conversation with someone who's pooping.

"I'll look at them later." His voice echoes against the tiles.

"Yep." I say.

Toilet paper ripping. Zip. Flush. Open door. Ghost walks towards the sink and washes his hands. 

He turns to me, "Ryan accidentally sipped Rick's pee, a day before you came to the tour."

I look at him as he walks towards the hand dryer. "Eew! The fuck was that," I laughed.

"I know right," Ghost chuckles. I turn off my camera, and he helps me get off the ledge. He puts his hand on my back as we were exiting. Two ladies come inside.

"Hi Alexa!"

"Hey, Hannah! And, what's your name?"


"Yah, hey." What a fucking name. I wonder if Andy would gorge her eyes out. Hmm. No, he wouldn't do that.

I sense their strong urge to whisper to one another, as they were looking at Ghost's hand.

I don't care.

We walk on, and Ghost's hand creeps onto my shoulder, and he whispers in my ear, "We should hang out more often."

I remove his hand from my shoulder. I look at the time. "It's fifteen minutes to sound-check, bitch."

"Oh, but we're here anyway," Ghost replies, "let's just take a look at those photos you took."

We sit down on the chairs backstage. As I was starting up my camera again, it went off. "Shit, battery's gone!"

"Don't you have a spare?" Devin asks.

I sigh, "My spare's a goner, too. I've gotta go back...get the other one so I could shoot you guys later."

He holds my elbow, "Can't you go back later?"

"Hmm. You can get it for me if you want to." I like flirting with this guy.

He laughs and shakes his head.

Enough with playing games, "I've got to get a battery so I could finish my job."

"I'm coming with you. It's just a short trip," he says.

Stop following me around! Arrgh, "Alright."

We walked to the bus, in time to meet the rest of the band.

Balz tells me, "Hey, I'm sorry 'bout the..." and raises his shoulders.

"It's totally ok, dude," I clasp hands with him.

"Hey, you know there's this new thing they call 'hand hug'," Balz says, then takes my hand and shows me how it is done. It's like a high-five, only that the tips of the fingers are locked with each other and the palms don't meet. It was stupidly fun.

"I'm gonna get my battery inside, by the way," I tell them.

"Sure, here are the keys," Chris hands them to me, "Watch the time, okay?"

"Yes, sir'ee," I reply.

Then he notices Ghost, and tells him "Dude, you're NOT getting inside with her. Either stay here outside or come with us."

Devin scratches his head, "Umm, okay." He looks like he doesn't know what to do. It's pretty depressing to see him like that.

He looks on the cemented ground for a while, then looks at me. He gestures that I should get on with grabbing my battery. I sigh, open the bus, get inside, open my bunk and get it. I look behind me. No one.

I open the door and look out. Ghost is still waiting. Poor guy. I lock the door and walk with him to the back of the stage.

"Don't let Chris be so hard on you," I tell him.

He raises one shoulder, "It's okay. I'm new."

I just look at him, slightly open mouth with disbelief. I shake my head and hold his hand while we're walking. He smiles at me.

As we were getting close, I let go of his hand and put mine on his back and kind of push it, "Go on, girl!" I kid him.

The crowd is excited to see people play on stage. This was what I thought I'd have five years ago. I thought that the future Me would have ten thousand people gathered and screaming my last name, and that I would be standing behind the drum set, being hyped to play. But I'm pretty sure that 15-year-old Me won't be disappointed to see me right now.

It's the last day on the tour to play. Everybody gave their best on stage, just like they did on all of the shows. I'm thinking that music is a special form of art; you can play it every night, over and over again, yet it comes out different every time. Different, like all the other shows.

The show is almost over. Right now, there's this shitty closing band, screaming their guts out. Most of the crowd went home. Motionless In White has their mission accomplished. High-fives everywhere!

Chris hugs me and asks, "Did you get a picture of the Waldo?"

"Yeah. I wished I didn't." We laughed. We looked at each other. I scream, "Congratulations!"

Ryan took off his shirt and does the metal, "Party!"

All of a sudden, some dudes were pumping a huge amount of water at us through a hose, "Take a shower, stinky motherfuckers!" It was crazy! Good thing I stepped out of the radius at the right time, and that my camera is as waterproof as my eyeliner (which is a good thing). The end of the tour is always the best part. Well, other than the show itself, I mean. The show is what you tour--

Ouch! Somebody suddenly embraced me from behind and tried to carry me. My bones weigh a ton, so he failed. As predicted, it was Ghost. 

I faced him and say, "Congratulations!"

He hugged me so tight, and I tried to hug back, while my ribs are being squished. Then he roughly smooches me on the cheek. We look in each other's eyes. He says, "I wanna hang out with you. After the tour." I push my hand on his face, laughing. But he looked kind of...serious?

I just embrace him and lay my head on his shoulder.

Chapter 4: I Love Playin' With Fire

Something woke me up. A loud snap. So loud, it bashed my left ear. I reached for my ear, and looked at my hand. It was stained red. As I open my eyes wider, there is a big, orange glow.

My hair is on fire. My apartment is on fire.

The siren sounded right after smoke licked the alarm in my room. I managed to put out the flames that ate the ends of my hair strands. I stumbled around, failing to see straight. There were cans and wrappers of potato chips everywhere. Boys in boxers fleeing and crawling out of the room. I started to cough from the smoke. I can hear Andy's voice through the looping alarm sounds.

"Don't touch anything! Alexa! Stay away from the flame!!"

Before I knew it, I was attempting to pull the burning plug of my battery charger. It was for my camera. I have a job. I have to do it. But I had to live, too.

Adrenaline failed to reach my brain. I wasn't thinking of anything. I wasn't thinking straight. Then I heard myself scream in pain and felt tears run down my cheeks and nose.

Andy shouts and thrusts me aside, pulls the pin on top of the red tank, and extinguishes the fire.

I fall down. 

Eyes closed, I can hear that I am being brought outside, and there are people yelling and...they sound afraid. Am I going to die. Am I going to die.

Andy's strong voice. He seems angry. Worried. "No, dude! You're NOT getting inside with her."

Voices swirled around my head, "...either stay here outside or come with us..." melts into "NO! Not a fucking chance..." as I fall into "Do you want me to go with you?" mind was floating through memory and what was currently going on.

A few hours pass and I found my head above a bucket. I was vomiting. I'm lying on a bed. It's a hospital. I'm not gonna--

"OUCH-- FUCK!" I look at my hands. All my fingers are wrapped in bandages. I can move them, but it would be really painful. My left ear, besides that it's swelling and bleeding, can't hear a thing. Andy is sitting on a plastic chair beside my bed. His unteased hair touched my shoulder as he placed the bucket down. He puts a bottle of "magic water" on my lips, and I drink it to rehydrate. He watches me, then puts his hand on my forehead, then on my neck. He was finding words to say, I guess.

I stare at my hands. Now I can't do anything with them. I can't take pictures anymore. I can't play drums anymore. Can't put on makeup. I can't even jerk off. I can't do a fucking thing anymore. Hopeless. Helpless. I'm now just a piece of synthetic meat that's good for nothing.

I try to look at the bright side of a ridiculously shitty situation. Happy thoughts. Like a T-rex making a bed. Or the smiling sun in the show Teletubbies, with the face of a laughing baby. Or a bunch of teacup pigs with icing on their faces. Or a cute, little baby-goat wearing a scarf. Then I say, "Oh look, my nail's chapped!" and try to smile. Andy kisses me on the forehead.

"You're crazy," he mumbles, trying to keep positive, "I had a talk with your landlady. She's a fuckin' saint. I mean, dude, she immediately sent for repair for your room after lending me money. She likes you a lot, I see." He still sounds worried as hell. "Don't worry, Alexa. Dad is coming; he's on the way with mom. You'll be prefectly fine soon. This is just a challenge for us. We have to face it. I'm here with you. Always."

"You saved my life," I tell him. He looks at me, leans forward and smiles. I wanted to hug him or reach for his face, but I can't. He is one of the few people who never lets me down. My savior and my mirror. We just try to sit back and spend infinite moments trying to figure out what really happened. 

It was a party. There was CC, the guy who replaced Sandy. And Ashley was there. I can't remember who else. We were jamming a bit. Trying to get better at playing with two bass drums. Dancing. Shouting. Drinking a lot. Eating a lot of junk food. Party food. I switched my camera's battery. I forgot that I charged that afternoon. Took too many pictures. Heard too many voices and sang to so much music. I had so much fun. Too much fun.

Suddenly he says, "Oh, and this girl --whatserface?"

"Umm, Scarlet? The red-head?"

"Yeah! Your neighbor-girl. Whatever. Umm, she wanted to see you. Like, right now," Andy looks out, "She can't stop jumping around, man. She's freaking out." I tried to look where he was facing, but I would tumble off the hospital bed. "You don't want to see her yet, do you?" He was still watching Scarlet wait outside.

"Andy, stop that. You have a girlfriend!" I laugh and try to see straight. The world is still spinning too fast for me.

He signals Scarlet to come inside, after he kisses me on the cheek. They have a one-guest policy in this hospital. Andy says goodbye, "Get well, my sister! I'll burn 666 goats just for you!"

"Yep! Thaaat's my brother!" I say as Scarlet comes in the room, watching Andy leave.

Scarlet talks, still standing, "I know it's not the first time I've seen your brother, but", she leans closer to me, "he's hot."

That's what I expected to hear from sassy Scarlet, so I say, "But he's also taken!" We laugh.

Scarlet sits on the plastic chair and looks at my hands, "Aww, you poor thing."

"That's an understatement."

"No, I'm sorry," she strokes my back, "Some stupid accident. I'm sure you'll recover fast. You're the bravest girl I know!"

I don't see the connection, but I thanked her anyway. She's a sweet girl.

She continues, "I have some flowers for you, but they're not here. Because your boyfriend has more flowers than you'll ever--"

Stop. "Wait. Boyfriend?"

"Yeah. He's here. He's outside."

"Umm, what?" I shake my head, "I don't have a boyfriend."

"Don't deny it, sister! Don't tell me that cute guy isn't your boyfriend! If he isn't, then why d'hell would he bring a garden-load of flowers for you?"

I'm clueless. I just stare at Scarlet sleepily. Then I remember something. It echoes in my head for the last time: Dude. You're NOT getting inside with--

"Her." I was thinking out loud.

"What?" Scarlet asks. I tried to sit up from the bed, but my arms are too fucked up to support me. Scarlet helps me get in a good position.

"It's Ghost, isn't it," I tell her. My habit creeps in and I feel the need to light a cigarette. Sadly, my fingers are already burned.

"Is that his pet name? OMGee, that's cute! It has a pretty 'goth' feel..."

Scarlet, stop being so annoying. "Is it him? He's not my boyfriend. Do you have some gum?"

Scarlet is staring at me with a I-know-your-secret smile. I look away from her. You don't know a fucking thing about me. As a pacifist, I had chosen to keep silent.

"I think I'll just call him." Scarlet talks as fast as godknowswhat, and zooms off.

I wish I could place earphones on my ears and listen to some Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, if not only all my fingers are fucked and my left ear exploded. This is so depressing. This is my tragic downfall. Fuck knows what's next for me...

Scarlet returns, dragging a crystal vase full of wild flowers across the tiled floor. It was really noisy. "See?" she says while laughing.

And then there's Devin, entering with a large bouquet of daisies and sunflowers in his arms. I wonder how he knew that I hated roses. He thanks Scarlet for 'carrying' the vase. They look so happy. Scarlet leaves with a wide smile, and waves goodbye to us.

Ghost says, "I think I bought too many flowers."

"I'm not DEAD, dammit!" I laugh.

"Sorry!" Ghost sits down. He hasn't changed a bit since I first saw him. That sleep-deprived clean-cut kid. Playing bass guitar for a gritty gothic metalcore band would be that last thing you'd expect him to do.

"When I was placed in the ambulance, I heard your voice," I tell him.

"Yep. That was me," he nods.

"Andy doesn't like you, huh," I laugh.

He just smiles and shakes his head. Or at least, he was trying to smile.

"I may not be able to HANDle all the flowers, but thank you," I tell him. He's so down and worried. I became terribly sorry for telling a bad joke, so I tried to catch it by saying, "This means so much to me." I didn't want to see him like this.

A female voice spews from the corner, "Alexa Biersack, just call me if you need me." It was the nurse. No one ever noticed that she was there. She hurriedly leaves.

"What an anti-climax," I joke Devin.

He says, "I missed you. I didn't know it would come to this."

"Me neither. I thought I was still going to do arithmetic with my fing--"

He cuts in, "No, it's... We... We can't hang out anymore."

That made me confused, "What are you talking about?"

"They said that I get distracted a lot when you're around."

Talk about...crushed.

He continues, "It's not your fault. I was just... I promised that I would be more responsible."

"But you were great! You performed your best! What the fuck are you talking about?" I stressed my arm and it hurt like fuck.

"It's okay. Right now I have a reason to be away from you," then he mumbles, "even if it hurts."

I realised everything now, "No one wants us to be together," I smile. "They keep setting us apart. 'Dude, you can't go there', 'Alexa, no, you're not going to'... It's all fucked up isn't it. It's worse than what happened to my hands, my left ear and my apartment combined."

He sighed, "Hold me."

I tell him, "You know that I can't."

Then he embraces me. My arms are stretched out in the air behind his back. He rests his head on my right shoulder. I close my eyes and let all the pain subside. He smells like cranberries. His hug is the warmest. I wish I can hug him back. I think I can hear him sobbing. 

"I love you, Devin Sola," I whisper in his ear. I hope that it comforted him. I can feel his heartbeats match mine.

Arms still wrapped around me, he faces me. He was trying to say something, but no breath comes out. He rests his forehead on mine. I smile and say, "We're going to be okay soon. I'm going to heal. You'll have fun playing music to people you'd never expect to meet."

Tears fall from our eyes, but we try to smile. He tells me, "You said that we were going to be married." I did. He presses his trembling lips on mine. We are sharing something we've never had. I didn't want to let go, and I know he feels the same.

Time passes and our faces depart from each other. Our eyes locked at each other's souls. He never wanted to, but he finally lets go of his embrace.

I tell him, "Now I know how Edward Scissorhands felt like."

I did not know if he heard what I said, but he stayed beside me for what I wished was eternity. My body needs to get rest, but I didn't want to sleep. Because I know that the moment I wake up, he won't be there anymore...


Sharpened Notes:

1. The titles of the chapters in this story are references to songs of an iconic all-girl punk band The Runaways.

2. I have nothing against anyone whose name is Nathalie, or Shawn or Scarlet any other name written.

3. The members of Motionless in White are the ONLY characters that are based in real life. Everything that  happened in the story is fiction. Every dialogue in the story is also fictitious.

4. Transgenders are a huge inspiration in my life, as they are the bravest people who live every day of their lives not just who they want to be, but who they are, no matter how other people might react. I hope this example applies to everyone who reads this, no matter what sex, gender, size, shape, color or beliefs.

5. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. :) -H